Motivation, not Medication

Once I got a $30,000 raise. It was the worst job I ever had.

In order to get a raise, I had to leave a good job. (More thoughts on that later.) As a single provider, the overnight increase put me in a state of near ecstasy. It was The Motivating Factor to leave that good job – and of course, I thought I was going to a great opportunity.

For the professional standpoint, I successfully delivered a multi-million dollar agile program that had C-suite visibility. We delivered on time and under budget; I had alignment with the executive sponsor, clearly identified outcomes, and a team of top performers. It was a huge win for the organization.

But the relationship I had with my manager was incredibly rocky. There was a chasm between him and I that we would never close. It was if we didn’t speak the same language, and certainly, we didn’t act as if we were on the same team. He would question my wording, he would second-guess my decisions; he would challenge me in front of my team on a daily basis. I would get defensive; I shut down; once, on the verge of crying, I left a meeting.

I felt I was at a professional all-time low. It seeped into my personal life, and people closest to me started to comment on the negative changes in me they observed.

I found myself debating every day if I needed to stay in order to learn a lesson, or if I needed to leave in order to survive.

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